Raise your hand if you crave that fire and intimacy with your spouse that you once had! Ok, if you’re dating or in the honeymoon stages then you’re probably wondering what I’m talking about because it’s not an issue for you. Awesome! But, for the many that have been married for awhile AND have children, you may feel as if your relationship has lost its spark.
I know my husband and I have had discussions relating to this in the past. Over the years, we have implemented some things that have helped us, contributed to our success, and definitely keep the sparks going. One of those things is regular Date Nights! I have a friend who does “Day Dates” which is just as good if nights don’t work well for you. Any formal outing with your spouse that’s not grocery shopping or including the kids will do!
Of course, depending on your childcare situation this may not always be feasible. I encourage you to find a way to make this happen at least once per month. We do this more often, and the more often the better. Dating your spouse is important because we should continue to “date” each other no matter how long we’ve been together. It’s been proven to strengthen relationships!
Remember the feeling you had when you used to go on dates? The excitement, the curiosity, preparation, nerves, etc? You looked forward to those dates! It’s not too late to get some of those feelings back and spark those flames once again.
“Ok, I get it, but how?”
Whether you’re wondering this or not, I’m going to share what works for my husband and I and how you can make date nights great for you too. 🙂
Preparation
Take some thought into what you’re going to wear. Don’t just throw on anything, but dress as if it’s a special occasion. If you typically wear flats and sandals daily, maybe put on some heels. Switch the leggings for a dress or slacks. Put in the effort you would have if you weren’t married or in a longterm relationship. This step shows your spouse that you’re excited and looking forward to this date. Plus, it makes them feel special and important to you.
Compliments
Pay him or her a compliment. I don’t care who you are, a compliment puts a smile on your face and makes you feel good. Right? Compliment his or her outfit, their smile, their perfume etc. It can go a long way! There’s nothing like the little things that my husband notices and compliments me on…sometimes you think they’re not paying attention but they do.
Conversations
I recommend leaving the discussions related to the kids to a minimum. You’re constantly talking about and caring for the kids that many times you forget how to have a regular conversation. This is the perfect opportunity to connect on the things that you have in common and get to know each other on a different level. Maybe your views on some topics have changed. Maybe you have different things that excite you. Sometimes difficult moments make you forget all the things you used to love about that person. Maybe you’ll realize that you have nothing to talk about!!! In that case, discuss current events, or a funny show you watched, your goals or even the memories you shared together. This is the time to discuss whatever comes to mind (not relating to the kids or bills).
Eye Contact
Look into each other’s eyes when possible. This not only allows you to stay engaged and focused in your conversations, but helps with bonding and intimacy. Maybe you’ll realize how beautiful his eyes are and how you used to love them. Maybe you’ll see how stress has added some layers under the eyes. Be present and pay attention to those details. You’ll learn a lot more about them by looking into their eyes in those moments.
Physical Touch
Find moments to hold each other’s hand, or rub their hand or thigh. Sneak in a quick and gentle kiss. If you or your spouse’s love language is Physical Touch then you understand how important this is. It helps you connect, reminds you of the attraction that is still there, and makes you more excited for the “big finale” when you get home (insert wink emoji here). I know that word choice was kind of corny but who cares!
Have Sex
Did I really need to say this?! It seems pretty obvious that you should right? I want to spell this out for you because some people may think that the date itself was enough. Um, it probably wasn’t. If your husband or spouse is anything like mine, he is expecting it…especially after a great night! I’m cracking up writing this right now because I could picture his face as a meme if I said “nah, I’m good.” The confusion, puzzled face, and weird smile…he would be disappointed to say the least. That’s real life. Sex is an integral part of every marriage!
I do want to add that you should make an effort so that it is enjoyable for the both of you. Try not to be so passive but more of an active participant. Hopefully this is a moment where you don’t have to worry about the kids or anyone else interrupting. This is your moment to be creative and get back to those moments you used to look forward to! Make it worthwhile!
Phew!
Hopefully this helps in getting you started. It’s an important topic because many have mentioned that they’ve forgotten how to date their spouse, which made me want to write this post. Especially since my husband and I work hard to make sure we get our date nights in regularly. Not only for our marriage, but for some parenting breaks as well.
Any thing you’d add to this list on dating your spouse that I may have forgotten? If so, please comment below!
With Love,
